this popped up as an idea for a poem while kicking a ball about in our garden with my son. A chicken which had appeared from nowhere and had decided to live in the garden (which it did for several weeks), tried to join in. we agreed that you can't play football with a chicken and wrote this.

 Are footballing chickens sicker than parrots?

Oh you can’t play football with a chicken,

Unless you use the chicken as a ball.

But if it is your pet, it can’t be volleyed through the net

As the chicken will not take to it at all.

You can’t play football with a chicken,

Even if you try to play it on the wing.

You might get a clever pass that skids across the grass

But don’t expect a cross to bend or swing.

You can’t play football with a chicken,

Even if it tries a shot in off the post.

It may be a great layer but it’s not a proper player

And would be better served up as a roast

You can’t play football with a chicken,

Even if you play it in defence.

It might give opponents a few knocks as they head into the box

But its contribution will not be immense.

You can’t play football with a chicken,

Even if you play it at left back.

It’s really not quick-witted, is too easily committed

And the little clucker won’t be joining an attack

You can’t play football with a chicken,

Even if you make it captain of the team.

It can’t even do the talk, you just get a little squawk

And the chicken would be stuffed and not supreme.

You can’t play football with a chicken

Even if it shows a lot of pluck.

It’s utterly absurd to play football with a bird

Whether it’s a cockerel or a pheasant or a duck.

You can’t play football with a chicken

Even if you teach it fancy tricks

You might get swerving and some flicking but not much heading or much kicking,

And no ball is going to fly through the sticks.

You can’t play football with a chicken,

And an attempt should be given a straight red.

4-3-3 or 4-2-4, you are never going to score

It’s a foul idea so knock it on the head.